The First Great Act of Mediocrity – The Grabbing of the Fruit

It has come to our attention that not many of our followers know the Adequate Holy Scripts of the Mehssiah. We wish to make a confession that this lack of awareness is largely due to the elders’ lack of communication regarding these scripts. We then wish to subsequently confess that this lack of communication is largely due to the lack of the scripts being finished yet. To prove that we are working on this, we present here the first of The Seven Great Acts of Mediocrity.

 

Each and every day since the town’s first brick was laid, the Holy Tree offered the people fruit. And each and every day one of the townsfolk in turn would row across the lake to the island upon which stood the Holy Tree to receive its gift. Years passed with the tradition unbroken, until the bleakest winter the town had seen wrought cold so fierce the water turned to ice. The rowboat was trapped in an unrelenting frozen grasp. Panic struck the townsfolk that they might not reach the tree this day, and God would smite them down for their ungrateful ways – but one man stepped forth. It was Him, the mehssiah, in all his adequacy, and he said, “I guess I can maybe try to bring to you the fruit of the Holy Tree?”

And so He, the mehssiah, in all his adequacy, strode to the shore. Boots met ice, and it bore his weight. Mercy was upon Him as he stepped further from the shore. Each step more adequate than the last, He made his way to the island. The fruit of the tree on this day was bigger and brighter than any fruit it had borne before. The mehssiah reached out and took it. He turned back, and placed boot upon ice once more. A subtle crack began to form, and He made haste toward the shore. The ice which had held his weight seemed unworthy to also hold the Holy Fruit. The crack grew, and with approximate accuracy He bowled the fruit along the surface. It reached the people on the shore with only moderate bruising, and at that same moment the ice beneath the mehssiah gave way. Honoured by his moderately successful venture, the townsfolk rushed to save Him, in all in his adequacy, and he was pulled shivering to the sand. From this moment, the mehssiah knew He was destined to complete many more charitable acts to a mediocre standard, and He would always be Close Enough.

 

We would like to clarify that we neither confirm nor deny the existence of holy trees or demanding gods. The acts of Him, the mehssiah, in all his adequacy, are the only truths we stand by. Without concern for the truth about the tree’s gift, he stepped forth for the people who believed in it. He showed his acceptance that their way of life was Close Enough to the right way. He walked upon the ice for sake of traditions that were not his own – out of respect for their ways. We too can ensure that we are always Close Enough to being a good ally to those who need one, whether we believe in their ways or not.

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Thank you for reading this official publication by The Church of Close Enoughism. The next of The Seven Great Acts of Mediocrity may come soon. We cannot promise anything. Our historians take their time getting the facts together. May your life be Close Enough to how you wish it to be.

 

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Author: Laurence Nix

A lot of the time it's just gonna be good old funny weirdo junk. Peace.

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