So I was down at my local time shaft recently, and it spewed out an incredible device from the future…
At first I was underwhelmed, thinking it was nothing but an average everyday toilet seat. My keen eye soon noticed something – a little button on the back. Naturally, I pressed it at once. The seat aligned itself horizontally at a comfortable sitting height, and a holographic basket appeared beneath it. I pressed down on the seat, and it did not budge. Some powerful levitation technology indeed must have been at play. I rummaged through my pocket and found a penny. I tossed it in, and it never reached the ground. Instead there sounded a light fizz as it appeared to simply disappear upon contact with the holographic basket.
Coincidentally, it was a hot day and I had had rather too much water on my journey to the Time Shaft. Thus nature called. Tentatively, I unzipped and used the device. There was a steady crackle as the stream reached the bottom. When I was done, I had to look – and the ground beneath the device was indeed purely dry.
I have tried to reverse-engineer the seat and work out just where my penny and urine might now be, but to no success. The only hint is a set of what appear to chrono-energetic drivers. From this I hypothesise that whatever passes through this seat is teleported into a different time – hopefully not in a way that might make it fly out of the time shaft…
One interesting possibility I have considered is that the matter entering the toilet is sent back in time to prehistoric jungles, where it acts as fertiliser to fuel the growth and evolution that one day led to the creation of the device that put it there. (Take this theory with a pinch of salt, as I have been known to suggest time-paradoxes at every opportunity!)
What I can say for sure is that the energy used by this device must be quite considerable in order to levitate and teleport matter. But perhaps it is still more efficient that stretching a complex sewer system to every house on an overpopulated planet? Needless to say, I will try my very best to discover the workings of this device, and see if something similar might come sooner than the far future connections of the time shaft.
I shall be back with another report as soon as the shaft gives me something to discuss!
Until next time,
– Prof, Barnabus K. Pompadour
P.S – You may find my collected reports here.